The Story of James and Lily
by OwenMeany22
Summary: Seven chapters charting the final months of Lily and James's sixth year at Hogwarts. Friendships are formed, tested, broken and reconciled, but will they be together at the end of it? Will James persist in the face of constant refusal? Will Lily decide with her head or her heart?
1. Chapter 1

Lily had finally managed to fall asleep. It had been the most difficult first-week-back she had ever experienced, and she was well and truly exhausted. Her roommates worried that she spent the night sitting by the window, silent and ghostly, tears falling down her pale face. Most of them were relieved to see her fast asleep, head propped against James, one temple resting on his shoulder, legs thrown across Sirius who was resting one hand on top of them. One friend was not relieved.

Miriella stared at the reverent look on James' face as he watched Lily sleeping, but said nothing. The time was overdue for confrontation but she kept her silence. Having a little bit of happiness was better than having none at all. She decided to ask James to move, in a subtle way, so that she would no longer have to bear the spectacle he was making.

"James, do you fancy a walk? It's still light out and I've had a bit of a headache all day."

All eyes swivelled to Miriella, who pulled her long curly hair over one shoulder, innocently avoiding everyone's gaze and looking only at her boyfriend.

"I can't just at the minute, I don't want to wake her." He gestured silently with his head. He need not have, everyone knew who he meant.

"Fine" she muttered. "Fine" she repeated, slamming the books she had been putting in her bag on the table and striding out of the common room.

The loud connection between textbook and wood had woken Lily. She gazed around bleary eyed. "What just happened?" she asked, sitting up straight and pulling her head from James's shoulder.

"You should go after her" Mary told him. "You owe her that."

Lily looked puzzled, turning to Sirius.

"Miri just stormed out because James wouldn't get up to go for a walk with her. He was too comfortable." Sirius answered.

"Oh God, this is my fault" Lily cottoned on immediately. "I shouldn't have been sleeping on you. I'll go and talk to her."

Mia shook her head fervently, "Don't Lily, no offence but you're the last person she'll want to see."

Mary flashed a warning look at Mia. Lily noticed and looked upset.

"I'd better go" James decided, vacating his chair in preference of the portrait hole.

Sirius exhaled loudly as he left. "Poor sod. I suppose, he got himself into this mess, he can get himself out. Still" he grimaced "that's not going to be pretty."

"She has every right to be mad, the way he's treating her" Mina pronounced, defending her friend.

"He's not doing it on purpose!" Sirius intoned "he can't help it. He tried to let it go and be happy with someone else but he just can't."

"Well he should break it off with her then."

"He doesn't want to hurt her."

"He's hurting her now, all of the time. The way he looks at Lily, then to see her sleeping on him."

Lily opened her mouth to apologise again, she hadn't meant to fall asleep there at all. Sirius barked to her defence again.

"She was sleeping on me too, I'm her friend just like James is."

"Well you're not madly in love with her! The whole school knows he is, and that he has been for years."

"This may be my fault too" Mary grimaced, "I told him to start looking elsewhere, back in February. He was really down on Valentines, Lily had ignored his card and I told him to consider other people, and that maybe he and Lily weren't meant to be."

"Well Miriella could have ended it" Sirius countered. "If she was desperately unhappy with the situation. I know her, Mina, I've dated her. She likes the drama and the unhappiness, why else would you ever agree to date someone who you know is emotionally unavailable."

"Maybe she only attracts men who treat her like shit."

Sirius leaned forwards, anger in his eyes. Remus interrupted him as he began speaking.

"It's none of our business. They're adults, they can decide what's best for themselves."

"You're right" Mina acceded, "and I'm sorry Lily, you've just got caught up in it. It's not your fault at all. It's just hard to for Miri to see how easily you could have something she desperately wants, but you don't want it at all."

Tears streamed down Lily's face. She had cried continually in her first week back at school after her father's death, but she tried to succumb only when alone. Mary hopped into James' vacated seat and Mina took the arm of the chair, passing a handkerchief across to her friend.

They changed the subject, and spent the next hour in jovial Friday night fashion. Peace had settled half an hour later, until it was invaded once again by the warring couple.

Miriella stormed in, her face red and scrubby, bits of tissue stuck to her jaw line.

"Just tell her" she screamed. "Tell her then. You've embarrassed me, James Potter. I would have done _anything _for you, I thought we had a future. But this whole time you've just been using me to get over her. Well I refuse to be second best any longer. Don't you realise? Half of the school would give anything to be dating me, _I'm captain of the Quiddich team" _she shrieked.

The whole common room was watching. It was late, but with the weekend ahead, most had stayed up later than usual.

"Tell her you're in love with her. Like you just told me. You complete bastard. You're just like Sirius, cut from the same cloth. I _hate you_."

"Miriella, please, not here. Let's just talk about it in the morning, you're making a scene." There was a hopeful note in James' voice, as though he thought it could be nearly over.

In a quiet, venomous voice, Miriella responded "tell her".

"That's enough." Lupin sounded tired.

"Side with him, I knew you would" she spat in his direction.

"It's not a case of taking sides, Miri, just of decency. It's not fair to involve anyone else, especially so publicly. I think we should all go to bed."

"And who's looking after me in all of this?" she was suddenly sad, biting her bottom lip to stem the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her. James instinctively moved to comfort her, which was the worst thing he could have done.

"Don't you dare" she snapped, coming back to herself. She turned on her heels and ran up the girls dormitory stairs. James made a move to follow, but suddenly realised he could go no further. Lily, who had been sat on the sofa, pale faced and hugging her knees, jumped up and followed Miriella to the girls' dormitory. Mary and Mina made a move to follow, but Lily held one hand up.

"Just give me five minutes first, I owe her that." She charged up the stairs without a glance at James, who sank down in her newly vacated seat.

Up in the girls' tower, Miriella was facing the window, her palms pushing against the ledge. She half turned her head when Lily came in.

"Oh Lily, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to, I just couldn't, I was so mad at him. I know you didn't..." she tailed off incoherently.

"That's ok. I didn't realise things had gotten so...messy. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been sleeping on him, but I just fell asleep and..." at this point Miriella pulled her into a tight hug.

"You've been away Lily, how were you to know? It just, well it got really bad just before you got back. He kept, well he kept turning me down." She exhaled, being candid wasn't her style. "He wouldn't sleep with me, we had the opportunity, we had plenty during Easter..." she stopped again, pressing her lips together.

"I confronted him, he always had an excuse. He's been really distant, then you got back and he, well he came alive again. The way he looks at you..." she laughed a hollow laugh to herself.

"I'm sorry" Lily whispered.

"It's so not your fault Lily. It really isn't. In a lot of ways it's mine. I knew he was in love with you, who didn't? He asked you out so many times. I was your best friend, how could I not have known? He's just so lovely, he's kind, romantic, gentle. I thought I could make him feel the way he feels for you about me, and if I managed it, Lily, I would have won the lottery."

Mary and Mina came in at this point, and the girls discussed the matter further.

Everyone was quiet and subdued at breakfast, aware that most of the common room were watching them. James and Miriella had walked together before breakfast, and were working hard to keep conversations going, but sat far apart at the tables. Sirius countered the tension by being more boisterous than usual. Remus looked concerned. Mina and Mary were trying. Lily was silent, not touching her food.

Miriella, James and Sirius trouped off to Quiddich practice, Mina had a meeting with McGonagall about her transfiguration essay, which left Mary, Remus, Lily and Peter to colonise the good chairs in the common room for homework. After a while, Peter decided he would rather watch the Quiddich than face his workload, and Mary went with him. Lily was happier with Remus, both studying quietly. His presence calmed her, and he looked less tired than usual. He didn't attempt to talk to her about the events of last night, and for that Lily was grateful.

Keen not to be in the same room as Mari and James, Lily asked Remus if he needed the library, and they went down together. After two more hours of solid studying, James appeared.

"Can I have a word?" he asked, without his usual bravado.

Lily shot an appealing look at Remus, but he nodded to her encouragingly. Lily left with James, heading for an empty classroom. They sat in two chairs, Lily looking only at her hands. This wasn't the first time James had sought a private interview with her.

"Look, Lily, this is as awkward as hell" he took a deep, steadying breath, which made her look up at him. James didn't usually do vulnerable and awkward.

"What Miriella said last night, you're not stupid. You know how I feel. I'm not about to tell you that. I just don't want to add to your problems. We've become friends this year, and that's something I never thought possible. I've not always been the best version of myself, but I'm trying. What I did, what I've been doing to Miriella wasn't good, but I was a coward, I didn't want to let her down like that. Basically, I just want to apologise."

"It's fine James, the dust will settle" was all Lily could come up with. She looked at him quizzically, wondering whether to confide. "You've been so good to me, with everything that's happened. I can't lose your friendship, not now. But equally we can't be too friendly. Miri's raw. She's feeling this. She's not used to being second best."


	2. Chapter 2: A Common Room Kiss

Three weeks later the dust had settled, Miriella had been seen with a 5th year Ravenclaw, their Quiddich captain on a number of occasions but this was as yet unconfirmed. He had been quick to pounce on the opportunity when rumour spread that James and Miriella had finished, but so had a few others. Normal order had been restored, Miriella was once again on the market, and was once again the most eligible girl in school.

Miriella confirmed the rumours about herself and Darius one late April evening as the girls sat basking in the late afternoon sunshine of the common room window. They were laughing spiritedly at Miriella's antics with poor Darius when Remus, Peter, Sirius and James entered, the latter two very obviously engaged in a disagreement.

'I'm telling you, those girls said it, Moony heard, didn't you? Sirius said, punching his friend on the shoulder, propelling him to give the truth to James to settle the argument.

'They did', Remus conceded. 'They came to the overall conclusion that, of the two, Sirius would be the better kisser.'

'Such bollocks!' James exclaimed. 'That's guesswork, none of them have been lucky enough to kiss either of us, making their results inconclusive.'

'Well then Prongs, my rubbish kisser pal, why don't we ask some girls who _have_ had that pleasure?'

Sirius strode over to the groups usual seats by the curved tower window. They had all stopped their conversation at the loud approach of their male year mates, but were still grinning.

'Mary', Sirius said, taking a seat next to her. 'Mary, Mary, Mary. You have kissed both myself and James Potter over the years, who would you say was the better kisser?'

'I can't remember really' she laughed. 'It must have been fourth year or something, but I'm going to say James.'

James celebrated, winking at Mary. Sirius snorted, 'pity vote', he declared.

'Right, fine' said James, 'Mina?'

'Oh James, definitely. Sirius, you were a wonderful kisser when we dated in first year, but it was always a bit rushed. James meant it when he did it.'

'Can't argue with that Padfoot' James said, smile widening.

'Miriella?' Sirius appealed.

'Tough one, both good, both above average. Hmmm. Sirius tops it. James was gentler, Sirius more passionate.'

'Oh dear, I believe we have a draw' laughed Remus.

'No' yelped James, 'Mina and Mary voted for me, Miri voted for Sirius, that means I win.'

'Ah but the debate started because the girls in the corridor voted for me' said Sirius with mildly disguised glee. 'The only way I can see us settling this is if we both kiss someone we have never kissed before and they decide there and then.'

All eyes swivelled to Lily, who let out a 'hah'.

'That's you done for then boys' said Peter, 'she'll never agree. You'll have more luck with Moony'.

'Save me Lily' appealed Remus, looking happier than she'd seen him in a long while.

'Not so fast, Peter' Lily answered, 'I have this awful reputation for being serious and boring, it seems. Well life's too short. What the hell.'

'You'll do it?', Sirius asked, eyebrows raised, as he began rubbing his hands together.

'Why not,' she replied, 'you two better live up to your glowing reputations'.

James had kept quiet throughout this conversation, the group tensed as he leant forward, unable to predict whether he was gleeful or petrified.

He smiled, 'ladies first' he said, nodding to Sirius.

Lily reddened a little now the task was at hand. Sirius made a show of walking over to her chair and offering her his hand. She took it, wondering at how steady and dry it was, while her own felt a little clammy at all of this unexpected attention.

'Two minutes on the clock', announced Remus.

Sirius had his hands on her hips, and had levelled his gaze directly into her eyes. Playing along, she placed both hands onto his shoulders. Remus shouted, 'go' and Sirius moved in.

'Avert thine eyes', Miriella whispered, moving next to James on the sofa. 'This has got to be hurting you.'

'It is and it isn't', he replied. 'You?'

'I've watched Sirius kiss millions of other girls' she sighed. 'At least I know he won't sleep with this one.'

Remus called time and the two broke apart, laughing at each other.

'Dammit Evans, you are good!' he cried, to general laughter. 'Potter, you're up'.

James took a deep breath and got to his feet. 'You're sure you want to do this?' he asked.

'I'm 50% of the way through this ordeal' she replied, 'no going back now'.

James had begun kissing her before Remus had reset his watch. Feeling his hand grasp the base of her skull, Lily couldn't decide whether she could breathe or not, and stopped caring. His kiss was intense but gentle, fiery but smooth, uncontrollable but controlled. It was blissful oblivion, her heart raced at such a pace that it must have become audible. She was visibly responding, this wasn't a game anymore.

Remus called time again, and Lily came to herself. She desperately attempted not to give herself away, when all she wanted to do was dissolve the room and continue kissing him. What a strange reaction, she thought. The thoughts that had lingered in the back of her head since March came fully to the front, and she quieted them by drawing away from him and taking her seat back silently.

The entire common room was looking at her. Had they noticed? Had they seen into her brain and watched it form the life-changing conclusion it had spend many weeks subconsciously working over?

'Well...verdict?' Mary shouted, to general laughter.

Lily sighed her relief, she remained undiscovered.

She spent a few seconds reaching for her text book and settling herself in her chair.

'Oh... Potter wins' she replied.


	3. Chapter 3: Brown Eyed Girl

As May dawned the days grew longer and brighter; a welcome change from the damp and depressing April. In many ways Lily was improving, although her school work suffered. Sometimes she missed lessons because she was sleeping, alerting everyone to the fact she still was not sleeping at night. Mostly, the staff were patient and helpful with her, Slughorn began to compliment her on every aspect of her work so as to raise her spirits, Flitwick hovered around her, asking questions about how she was feeling, how her studies were going, could he help at all. McGonagall on the other hand, showed her characteristic tough love.

"Evans, if you wish to continue at NEWT level, you must improve" she told her in the middle of class one Tuesday. They were studying facial transfiguration, and Lily looked exactly the same. She had managed to change the colour of her eyes to hazel and that was all. So used to everyone being kind and gentle with her, the sharp tones of the transfiguration professor roused her. She used to be so defiant, so brave, so courageous, now tears stung her eyes and she had to blink them back. James tensed beside her. Everyone had turned to stare at her.

She walked quietly to lunch. Before they reached the Great Hall, James stopped her.

"McGonagall was out of order, it was unfair of her to go after you like that."

"No, she was right, I was the worst in the class."

"You've missed four weeks of lessons."

Tears began to fall down Lily's face, she ducked out of the queue forming and into a classroom close to the entrance hall. By the time James reached her, silent sobs were shaking her body.

She cried for ten minutes more until she became calm. James at first gave her distance, unable to decide what to do, but after a while wiped the tears away with the sleeve of his robe, holding her face in his hand for a second longer than he should. Lily flicked her newly brown eyes to meet his, then kissed him. He kissed her back, alarmed, then drew away. He didn't want to be taking advantage of her.

A second passed; she looked hurt and bewildered, taking another moment to marshal her thoughts before articulating them.

"I'm sorry James. I just wanted to forget. That was stupid. Of course you don't want to..." she was unable to finish the question, he was kissing her now, reacting how he should have. If she wanted blissful oblivion, he would willingly provide it. They kissed for half an hour more, until the tears had dried from face and the redness around her eyes had receded.

Neither mentioned that lunchtime kiss to anyone else, and their absence from the Great Hall went unnoticed. Nor did anyone notice the frequent looks that passed between them during the afternoon's lessons. The 6th year Gryffindors passed the evening in their usual fashion, although Lily was not among them.

'We missed you in the common room last night', James said, catching up with her in the corridor on the way to breakfast, his shirt untucked and bag flung of his shoulder in his haste to speak to her.

'Library', she grimaced.

James dropped back a step, confused.

'I thought maybe we could talk about...well, what happened? I kept waiting for you to walk through that door.' He said.

'I'm still, er, working hard to catch up on the work I missed. I thought, after McGonagall...' she trailed off.

James frowned, he thought that he got the message, but he wasn't sure. Throwing caution to the wind, he decided to press her on it, knowing that he would later wish he hadn't.

'Good thinking, that means you can have tonight off though, surely? I thought we could maybe go for a walk or something, maybe talk about what happened?'

They had arrived at the great hall, Lily pulled him gently to one side by his robe sleeve, but kept him in public view. Now he definitely knew what was coming.

'I'm sorry James, I can't. I'm not in the right place at the minute to be thinking about anything serious, or anything at all. I turned to you for comfort yesterday, and I'm sorry if I led you on, but I can't give anything to you at the minute. I'm all burned out.'

'Oh, well, ok. I wasn't, you know, going to propose marriage or anything. Don't worry about it, I know you don't feel that way about me. But I'm happy to help if you ever need cheering up again in the future, I'm at your disposal.'

'Oh James, please don't say that', she said desperately, glancing around to make sure they went unobserved. 'I don't want to use you, or give you the wrong impression just because I'm vulnerable'.

'All I'm saying is, I'm happy to be used.'


	4. Chapter 4: An Unexpected Refusal

And so he was. Their weekly trysts went unnoticed by the others for 6 weeks, and Lily began to once again feel like she could place one foot in front of the other. Exam season was about to dawn, and thanks to James's calming effect, Lily's head was above water.

But James was drowning. Lily's effect on him was less than calming, leading his friends to question his unusual behaviour. He had told them nothing about his stolen kisses shared with the girl of his dreams in an empty charms classroom, but he knew suspicion was growing. He tried his best to revert to his boisterous self but his patched up heart was cracking under the strain of unfulfilled hope and promised. After a particularly lengthy grilling from the Marauders, James decided it was time to act.

They had both made their excuses for not visiting Hogsmeade on a particularly sunny June weekend and instead spent a visit in a long unused ground-floor classroom, with the invisibility cloak close at hand. Lily beamed as she entered, bouncing towards him and flinging her arms around his neck.

'I've been looking forward to this all week' she intoned, tilting her head back to watch his reaction, then frowning at his unexpectedly grave attitude.

'Lily', he began, placing his hands on the crook of her elbows, and gently guiding her hands away from their embrace around his neck. 'I can't do this anymore.'

She took a step back from him. 'Oh' was all she could pronounce.

'It's breaking my heart' he said simply.

'But James, you knew this was all it could be. I thought you understood.'

'I did. I do. But it doesn't stop me aching for more. I'd rather have nothing than this.'

'So you're giving me an ultimatum?'

'Yes Lily, it's all or nothing.'

She took a deep breath, appearing to be teetering on the edge of something, then swallowed and spoke.

'I still don't feel ready. I'm not emotionally available. I feel like I'd be going into it for all the wrong reasons.'

'Is that your head answering or your heart?'

'It's my head James, I don't trust myself.'

'So you want nothing?' he asked, a little seed of anger sprouting in his voice.

'I can't. I'm sorry' she said, and with that she fled the room, leaving James staring at his palms and feeling the emptiness in his hands. In this instance, he regretted the conversation with all his heart, but he knew he was doing his future self a favour. This didn't stop the pervading sense of foolishness that engulfed him, and he hoped it wouldn't turn to bitterness.


	5. Chapter 5: If You're Not The One

A month passed. James' spirits improved but the Marauders were still subjected to his doldrums. Lily had faltered, but the group attributed the strange behaviour of both to exam season. If they didn't reach their target NEWT grades this year, seventh year would be a pipe dream for them so the pressure was on everyone to do their best.

After their final exam, the group celebrated by lounging by the edge of the lake in the sunshine. The scene was set similarly to the previous year, except for the fact that the sixth year girls and boys were mixed, and enjoying the end of exams euphoria together. Sixth year had been a success for them, and after five years in near segregation, the girls and boys found their common ground and had grown to be great friends, through mutual drama, trauma and interests.

A ball was to mark the last evening of term and was a much anticipated event by the students. One, however, looked unhappy with the end of term frivolities, but was doing his best to maintain a cheerful facade. Sirius was stretched out on his back with his shirt buttoned down, pretending to sunbathe whilst fully aware of the attention he was receiving. Aware too of the silent friend at his side, he opened his eyes, shielding them from the sun's glare, and turned his attention to his best friend, making sure the rest of the group was occupied and out of earshot.

'Mate, you have to cheer up. It's the ball tonight! Wonder if I can beat my all time record of girls kissed in one night?'

'Well there's only one I'd like to kiss, and she's having none of it.'

'You're seriously barking up the wrong tree Prongs, you have to let this go. It's making you more miserable than Snape's childhood.'

James let out a snort of laughter at his best friend's attempt to cheer him up.

'There's nothing more I can do. I've asked her and asked her. I've made myself a pathetic fool and she's having none of it. So that's just my life now.'

'There's always more you can do. Nothing good in life comes easily, perseverance is key, you get what you deserve.'

'Excellent motivational speech. Falling on deaf ears, unfortunately.'

'Well, I tried. Next helpful suggestion...love potion'

James laughed out loud at this and the ghost of a smile remained as they made their way back to the common room to get ready a few hours later. His glum state returned, however, shortly after watching Lily Evans enter the great hall in bottle green robes that matched her beautiful eyes. James felt the image burn in his retinas, and spent the evening avoiding looking at her, frequenting the tables at the very back of the dance floor like a melancholy ghost.

This time, Remus made an attempt at comforting his friend. He slapped a butterbeer on the table in front of James, making him start.

'Sirius has some firewhisky in a hipflask if you need it', Remus stated, flopping into a seat next to him. 'Party's not the same without you.'

'I don't much feel like dancing' James said, taking a hearty swig from the bottle in front of him. 'Sorry to be negative all the time' he added, wincing at his own behaviour in comparison to Lupin's stoic acceptance of his monthly horror.

'Want my advice? Tell her again'.

'Pointless. There's only so much I can take.'

'I don't think you understand it from her point of view. I think she started having feelings for you when you were with Miriella, then you were off-limits for a time, and she was, and still is, worried that she is clutching for the idea of you as she has no-one else. You are guaranteed love, and she's worried that she wants that more than she wants you. So she pushes you away.'

James straightened up, 'so you're saying I have a chance?'

'I'm saying you're going to have to be extremely patient. She's vulnerable, and only too aware of her vulnerability.'

'I can be patient...' James said, nodding in line with his own thoughts as Lily approached.

'Remus, may I have a dance?' she asked grinning, hand outstretched.

Remus hesitated, giving James the swiftest of glances, who returned with the swiftest dipping of the forehead.

They began to dance and Lily laid her temple against his shoulder, facing away from him and into the slow dancing crowd. The song was ' performed by Agnetha Simper who was a former pupil and classmate of McGonagall.

'Is he ok?' Lily asked, not looking towards Remus, but continuing to face the crowd.

'Um, well he's a bit up and down at the moment.'

'Ever the diplomat' Lily laughed, looking into his face now.

'He's hopelessly in love with you, Lily.'

She cast her eyes down now, unable to meet his gaze. 'I know.'

They continued dancing in companiable silence, watching those in the ball room around them. Sirius was dancing with a seventh year Ravenclaw who was telling him how much she'd miss him now she was leaving, Miriella was watching this exchange like a hawk, which did not go unnoticed by her boyfriend. Dumbledore and McGonagall were dancing proper steps in a very formal way, but seemed to be deep in discussion, glancing over at the almost empty tables by the dance floor.

The subject of their attention was James, who had been staring intently at the dancers, lost in thought. They couldn't divine the subject of his thoughts, but he had seemingly decided on action as he pushed his chair back and strode intently onto the dance floor.

'I'm really sorry, but can I cut in Moony?' James asked Remus when he reached them

'Of course' his friend replied, a little apprehensively.

Lily frowned at them both, wondering what was coming. Agnetha sang _'I don't want to run away, but I can't take it, I don't understand, if I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am.'_

The music broke into an instrumental as they danced in a stony silence. Lily had hardly begun admiring his confident, knowledgeable slow dance steps when he spoke.

'This won't do. I have to be with you. You might think you know this, but do you know how I feel every time you walk into a room? Every time you laugh at something Miri says, with your head thrown back and eyes wide? Every time you answer a question correctly in a lesson and have a smug little smile that you think no-one notices. Every time you tut at Sirius being smutty, every time you look concerned when Remus is too tired to do his work? I love everything about you; your mood swings, your distrust of almost everyone, your pride, your fierce anger, your kind heart. I love you, even though you have made me into this person that I never was, just because it was the person you wanted me to be. You called me arrogant, I toned it down. You chastised me for hexing people, I put my wand away. You scorned me for showing off, so I became more humble than you. You forced me to mature, to give me the least chance of being with you, and I met all of your demands. Why is this still not enough?'

People had begun to stare; some had stopped dancing. Lily dropped his hands.

'James, I...'

He began to kiss her, in front of everyone. Some people gasped, some wolf whistled.

She pushed him away, and a hush fell over the room. 'I can't do this here; I've told you why I can't be with you.'

With that, she stormed off, ducking through the staring couples. No-one was dancing anymore, some had stopped ludicrously mid-pose. Sirius dropped Theomina's waist and headed over to his best friend, placing a conciliatory hand on his shoulder. James didn't move a muscle, but stared at the doors through which Lily had flung herself, her retreating back now emblazoned in his eyeballs.


	6. Chapter 6: Lily's Perspective

Lily hesitated after only three strides out of the Great Hall, considering turning on her heel and going back. She was just too embarrassed at the thought of the crowd, of how public their friendship-come-relationship had become. She wished that there was a spell to magic them all away and have an honest conversation, right now in this moment, but it was to no avail.

She continued forward towards the common room, with half a mind to wait up for James when he got back from the ball. This too she decided against, as everyone would see her and stare. She wished she didn't care so much, where was the carefree, courageous, confident Lily she used to be? The shock of her father's death had knocked her flat and getting back on her feet was taking time; she hoped her old self wasn't completely out of reach, but that there was a promise of recovery further down the line. Perhaps James would be the very person to aid that recovery.

Over the past six months her budding feelings for James had unnerved her. If you'd have told her this time last year that in six months' time she would be falling for James Potter, she would have marched you down to the Hospital Wing. She could attribute the starting point back to them having a seating plan under their new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, who decided to order the class depending on last year's OWL grades (James edged Lily out of top spot last year by 2 marks). As they were paired together for all practicals, she got to see the more mature, responsible side of him and was impressed at just how good his magic was.

He had also stopped asking her out as much, showing off in front of his friends, and hexing people in the corridors for a laugh. She saw the side of him that all of her friends had been seeing for the last couple of years, the side she had been determined hadn't existed. In the last six months he had turned from an immature prankster into a kind and caring man. So why did she keep refusing him?

Her father's death at the beginning of March had turned her world upside down, meaning that Petunia was her only family now – excepting her hideous boyfriend who Lily very much hoped would never become "family". Lily was scared that the only reason she had become so fixated on James was that he was safe, a guaranteed love. She knew he had been in love with her since first year, and she questioned whether her subconscious was clinging to him for stability. It was for this reason she was so insistently pushing him away. She was resolutely deciding with her head and not her heart.

But what if her father hadn't died; would she still be having these feelings for James if he hadn't been so good to her when she returned to school in April, behind on work and prone to late night crying fits? Would their relationship have developed naturally after his inevitable split from Miriella. Perhaps if she'd accepted his advances on Valentine's Day then they would never have got together. But it was too early for her, her feelings for him were too new, and that oh-so-sensible side of her was not ready to let him in.

She was certain her father would have liked him; he would have admired his courage, his sense of humour, his gravity, his benevolence. As Lily thought more and more about James meeting her father, it dawned on her that she would be feeling exactly this if her father were still alive. She would want James every inch as much as she did now, and she would want him for him and not for the safety he promised. She went to bed imagining her father meeting James; the awkward start, the steady flow of conversation, the father-daughter chat when James went to the loo, the parting, her father expressing the hope that he would see 'the young Mr Potter' again soon...


	7. Chapter 7: The End, and The Beginning

Lily awoke early the next day with a sense of purpose like nothing she'd ever felt before. It was 6am so she dressed with her hungover roommates in mind, pausing at the mirror by the door to make sure she looked the part for today. She was hoping James would be in the common room; he had a knack for being there exactly when she needed him to be, and she knew him to be an early riser.

But he disappointed her, he was not there. She snuck up to the boys' dormitory, determined to act upon her decision without losing any time at all. She had no time to think up a pretext for being there, or to think of a reason why James would take a walk with her. She was somehow sure that fate would intervene to give them some time together.

Creeping into the boys' dormitory, she scanned the darkness for any signs of movement. The smell of firewhisky was strong, and no-one had drawn their hangings. Peter had face planted on the pillow, still in his dress robes, Miriella was in Sirius's bed with the hangings half drawn, Remus was snoozing serenely, looking for once as though he had not a care in the world. James's hangings were back and the bed looked slept in, but he wasn't there.

Panic was nudging at her edges as she made her way quietly back down the portrait hole. If he wasn't in the next location she had decided on to look, then she would assume he was with another girl somewhere. After all, that was what happened the last time she turned him down spectacularly, and in front of everyone. Her stride was quicker than usual as she moved through the Entrance Hall and out into the early morning light. The sky was a brilliant blue, promising a dream-like summer day, as though the sun were smiling on the post-exam revellers who would be out to enjoy its offerings again a little later on.

Through the brilliant blue sky a Quiddich player was moving. A small dot fenced by the enormity of the Hogwarts stadium. Relief flowed through her, as did the knowledge that this was exactly where he would be; to clear his head and work out his anger. She also recognised it as the perfect spot for reconciliation, firmly on his grounds. She seated herself on a lower stand and watched his figure weave through the skies.

She had been there for ten minutes and was beginning to wonder whether to call him. She hadn't dressed for being outside, but the morning air was so warm that it hardly mattered. Just then, James swooped down towards the ground in pursuit of the snitch he had let loose, and noticed a red-headed girl with a front row seat. His heart dropped faster than he had just dived. She's come to apologise for her behaviour and reiterate why we can't be together, he thought. He caught the snitch, feeling the metal in his hands, cool in comparison with the warm air, and steeled his heart for the onslaught.

'Evans' he said tonelessly, tossing his broom to the ground and gripping the snitch more tightly than ever.

'Thought I'd find you here' she replied, turning to him as he took a seat. Not the one next to her but two along.

'Seeking absorbs the attention; you can only concentrate on one thing' he said, by way of explanation.

She nodded absently. 'Look, I've been thinking about it all night, and I've come to my final decision.' She winced at her own melodrama; this was not how she wanted to sound.

He felt a burning in his throat, awaiting the brutality.

'You know why I've been pushing you away recently, it's because I didn't trust my feelings, but I was up for hours last night thinking about it and I think I've made the wrong choice. How I've begun to feel for you over the last six months has scared me – given our history – and I haven't been able to trust myself as I always have before.'

'Ok' he replied, feeling a little alarmed, not daring to hope.

'So' she said taking a deep breath and noticing the wideness of his eyes, 'I'm yours...if you'll have me.'

His eyes widened further, his hands began flattening his hair in his distraction. 'I...well...this isn't what I was expecting.'

She was silent, had she missed her chance, chances? Had she pushed him so far away that he would never come back to her? They sat in silence for two minutes while James looked at his hands.

'I just can't believe it's happening, like it's this easy' he said, breaking the silence.

'Do you want it to be happening?' she asked, eyebrows raised. 'Do you want...this?'

'You know I do, I'm just...in shock. Did Sirius slip you a love potion while you were sleeping?'

'No, but I keeping the door locked from now on' she laughed, averting her gaze from his face and to the Quiddich pitch, and the mountains beyond. This wasn't going how she'd dreamt at all.

She heard him exhale a laugh and wasn't aware of her decision to kiss him until she had bridged the two-seat gap and _was_ kissing him. He was too shocked to raise his hands but he kissed her back, and with intent.

To him, it felt like no other kiss he had shared with her. It felt solid, lacking the dream-like quality it had always had before. It felt real, authentic and true. He felt an understanding from her that he had never felt before, and felt her passion with every breath she took. He understood her purpose and her intent. He felt what she had just said. He felt all of his dreams coming true. Lily Evans kissing him on a Quiddich pitch.

He pulled away and held her face in his hands, studying those green eyes which were filmed with tears. He let out a laugh and she did too, a tear falling down her cheek.

'Hey, don't cry' he said, swiftly wiping it away.

'You haven't given me an answer!'

'Oh sorry, I didn't think you needed one. Yes please... to everything'

She smiled back truly at him now, and they kissed a while longer.

'But' said James a little later on, when the sun had fully risen and the air heated up in mid-July fashion, 'I don't think we should tell anyone. Not yet.'

'Why?' she asked, bemused. She had been looking forward to telling everyone, to seeing everyone's faces as they walked in holding hands, people congratulating them, them spending the evening curled up in his favourite armchair together, just reading, or talking to the group.

'I've been humiliated a lot lately...' he began cutting Lily off as she began to protest. 'It's not your fault, but my pride has been wounded and I've looked a fool on several occasions. If this doesn't work out...' he trailed off.

'Are you imagining this being over before it's begun?' she laughed incredulously, trying to work him out.

'No, but let's be sensible here. There's a lot of pressure on us, what if we don't work as a couple?

'I feel like we could, like we will', she stated simply.

'So do I, more than you know. But why don't we have the summer to trial it out. Be together, be apart, and then come back in September and let the world know that we're together.

'So you're saying wait until September? I thought you told me that you couldn't wait any longer?'

'No not wait for us! I want you to be my girlfriend right now, I want us to be an exclusive couple, but I don't want anyone to know that...yet.'

'I guess that's ok' she replied, still a little put out by it all.

'Lily, I feel like this is so precious that we have to tread carefully. This is my one shot and I am going to do it perfectly, which means taking it slow to start with.'

'James, I see a different side to you with every conversation. Who knew that you were this measured and sensible.'

'Full of surprises' he grinned, taking her hands, 'now kiss me again before the whole school wakes up and we have to start keeping this a secret.'


End file.
